The Ups and Downs of Twinfancy--Part 1

This week has been a bit rough, a relapse if you will. Both boys have reflux and we had some long days this week with babies who just didn't feel good. What that means is that they cried all day and could not be consoled. This would be fine if there was only one baby to take care of, but when there are two, it is nearly impossible to maintain your sanity.

The only spin we can put on this week is the mind-blowing quantity and audible range of FARTING that comes from two babies with reflux (either its reflux or their mommies gene pool...). WOW - every stretch, twist, sneeze, even sleeping provides sweet sounding horns from their tushes. Aside from the unending humor and laughs, they really seem relieved with each thundering rip.

Kristi has ramped up from 2 hours of sleep per night to a mind blowing 4 hours EACH NIGHT! Unfortunately, none of these hours are consecutive - Andy has assumed the role of transporter - a mindless task (thank god) as he lumbers out of bed 7-8 painful minutes after one baby begins crying, picks up the baby who is crying (hopefully - you would be surprised that this task is blundered from time to time) and takes out to the living room for a diaper change. Once changed, said child is ready for feeding and the sleeping ogre wanders back to the bedroom to sleep until the next baby begins to stir - and then the process starts over and the babies are switched out and put back to bed. In a given night, Andy sleeps (6) 45 minute intervals, while poor mom sits on the couch hooked up to a pump or a baby, accruing a whopping 4 hours of sleep between 9pm and 7 am. twins are amazing, but very very difficult.

Meanwhile, the boys have made a new friend. As a matter of fact, other than each other, he is clearly their "best friend". They could spend hours staring, smiling, and kicking their little legs with him. His name is Frank, and we have come to LOVE Frank, and Frank doesnt judge them for farting.

The boys staring at Frank



A few smiles for their new friend



And here he is......


Yes, it is Frank the fan. Who would have guessed that a ceiling fan could provide so much enjoyment. Frank babysits during showers, lunch time, mental breakdowns even weekends. Even though we could realistically get away with a $59 fan entertaining our children for 4 hours, we have yet to take full advantage. In our biased opinion, they are smart boys, but even we take a step back and wonder if any of the lights are on in those little (giant) heads - because they could really stare at that damn fan for hours.

When we were able to pry the boys away from Frank they enjoyed watching some TV with Uncle David - the boys are too young to evaluate the quality of programing provided by xena warrior princess - but it was a cute photo - how is that show still on?
Ethan gave Andy's sunglasses a try and practiced his tummy time skills, he finds all this hilarious

While Ethan was having fun and fooling around, Shawn turned to Jesus and asked for a smaller head.
And one last picture of the boys together, I couldn't resist, they are just too cute.

8 weeks already

The misfortune of inheriting the Hesse head - in four parts:
head, getting, heavy...
oh s%&@ - i cant hold it up any longer!
no matter how bottom heavy shawn gets, he may always bear the burden of a ginormous head.


What are you looking at?





it is official, we have proven that 2 hours of sleep each night over 5 weeks severely deteriorates your health, patience, social skills and will to live. We have gotten to the point where we have both agreed that anything muttered or shouted between the hours of 2am - 4am is forgotten by 6am - its the only way we can make it through the first 6 months... please tell me they start to sleep longer than 2 hours at some point before 6 months.

The boys in their "Chick Magnet" shirts - yes Grandma Phyl, thats a "chick" not a duck. "Duck-Magnet" does not make sense, even in bizarro world...

meanwhile, while mom and dad aren't sleeping, the boys have been storing up fat in preparation for winter, as you will notice, we did not swap out kids, thats just ethan in his fat suit. the boy has doubled in weight in just 8 weeks. perhaps this is normal, but we were just getting used to describing our twins as the short, chubby one (shawn) and the long lean one. it was easy - now we have two little goombas that breathe like tony soprano scarfing a plate of ziti (its a chubby joke - they are so fat that they have become mouth breathers - its quite funny.)


Shawn is now 22 inches long and a mini-sumo-sized 10lbs 10 oz.

Ethan is now 23 1/4 inches long and a whopping 10lbs 14oz.


As the twins get bigger and older, they use their magic powers of cute on Mom during the day. they both want to eat at the same time, patience from either of them is non-existent, and their lungs are very, very strong. we find about 14 minutes a day without crying, and Mom is actually keeping up with both appetites with breast-feeding. Kristi will be pushed to the breaking point daily with the constant feedings, poopings, and screaming contests from the boys.

While we are all tired and a wee bit stressed, there have also been some great highlights this week. First, the boys are officially out of Newborn diapers. This was very traumatic for Kristi as it was the last shred of tiny Newborn babydom that she had to hold on to. They are growing so fast.....here is a comparison pic from earlier in the blog (3 weeks and again at 8 weeks). What a difference 5 weeks make.



The good news is that as they get older, they are starting to look at you and actually see you, at the end of this week we saw a smile from each of the boys. And it was not because of a fart, it was because they were smiling and interacting with us. It makes all the sleepless nights a little less painful to see those two smiling back at you!!

6 weeks later...
As we celebrate the twins actual due date, we are excited at the opportunity to finally get out of the house. In fact, our first low impact outing brought on gawkers and "oh, are they twins?" comments, - no lady, I bought this double stroller with a coupon at a 1/2 off sale at the walmart, so to make use of it, I ask the neighbor if i can borrow his kid to go to the store. We are waiting for the comment, "are they natural?" - if we are in the right mood, the answer just may be, "funny you should ask, this one was born without a head, so we had one sewed on, and this one we equipped with a 45 yr old man's penis, so, no, they are not natural - but a whole lot of fun to take in public!" Bring on the freak show.For those out there not familiar with the offensive terminology for twins - asking if they are "natural" implies they are processed with left over cow parts, like a Costco hot dog. The correct terminology would be "spontaneous" for twins created the old fashioned way, the opposite of that, ("un-natural") would be those twins produced by assistance. In both cases the baby(s) grow naturally. Our twins were the product of (2) fertilized eggs - therefore they look very different. Identical twins are th e product of one egg splitting very early after fertilization. Keep this in mind later, as there may be a quiz. As we adjust to no sleep, and two little boys that are gaining weight faster than Jared off the Subway diet, we have accepted the fact that after 11pm, Kristi's head starts to spin and speak in tongue - freaking scary. After 11pm, Andy cant be trusted to not put one of the boys in the fridge with the milk - he has the IQ of 16 after 12am.We went to El Conquistador to mooch off Aunt Lori and Uncle David as we sat pool-side for all of 12 minutes in 110 degree shade.

To finish our update on a less offensive note - fathers day was alot of fun, having the perfect day with doughnuts, Dunkin Doughnuts coffee and the boys and dad watched European Championship all day long - except when Grampa Dave forced us to watch Tiger win the US Open with one leg... all in all, a great day.

1 month old

Week 4
for those out there with one child, suck it up! Either we have two "easy" babies, or one child would be a piece of cake! Any method or "system" we had for making it through the night is out the window. we make it up as we go, and that usually means one of us gets an hour or two of sleep. They just insist on being up at the same time these days. the best sleep we get is from 530am to 730am.

Diaper Count - June 8th = 570 f@&*$*# DIAPERS!
(we gain nothing by exaggerating that number - in fact, if i were to fake the number to be lower, people would think a little more of us - trust us, we are just as shocked as you)

Ethan got circumcized - poor little guy. thats the mold they strapped him down - Kristi stayed in another room, Andy attended the massacre for support and accurate documentation. We went back and forth about "to sleeve or not to sleeve" - we opted to go with "no sleeve" because it would be more likely they want it done in the future, and they would be less likely to want it reversed than be the only boy in class with an anteater.


It did cross Andy's mind to do one and not the other - Kristi wouldnt let that experiment go through. Poor Ethan took it like a man, now he has a little red nosed reindeer. (Due to kiddie porn laws, we opted not to show the before and after shots. A nice mental image analogy: think of a travel size red lipstick, without the cap...)

He hates it when we make him lay on it...

Shawn continues to add rolls, on the bright side, the larger his body gets, the smaller his head looks. The Doctor forced us to wait a week for Shawn's circ - we are glad he did - having one pissed off baby was enough for us. stay tuned.

Week Three

Week 3 Highlights:

1. The boys got their first baths - yes, for those of you keeping score, we got within a few days of "child neglect" before giving them the first bath - two babies was a lot to get used to... to be fair, the cords did not fall off very quickly


2. Shawn hiccuped, burped and farted at the same time - it looked really painful, but was pretty funny.



3. Kristi got pooped on




4. Kristi and Ethan pulled an all-nighter


5. Andy went back to work

6. Bristo started eating again

7. Uncle David ended his hold-out from seeing the twins

8. Andy dropped Ethan off the couch

9. Kristi had her first mental breakdown

10. Andy was banned from touching the babies

11. 12am that night - Andy's banishment ended with both boys concluding a 2 hour feeding marathon.

12. Kristi had her second mental breakdown as she realized she was a milk machine with stretch-marks.

13. The diaper count as of the morning of 5/31: 440 diapers - yes we are keeping track, it will get tough once we move to the packs with random number counts. but we are destroying the environment one poop at a time.


14. The boys met cousin Trevor


15. Kristi removed the quarantine bubble and let people come see the boys



16. Poor Ethan found out Andy's nipples do not produce milk


17. Andy gained 5 pounds this week
18. Kristi lost 10 pounds this week
19. Andy got 24 hours of sleep this week
20. Kristi got 13 hours

Brace yourselves for Week 4 - circumcisions!!!

Week Two

Poor Bristo doesnt know what to think. he still gets his walks and we dont completely ignore him, but he has yet to eat since the boys came home. The guilt has led us to allow him to manipulate a diet of treats and milk bones. I think we are even.









Shawn and Ethan are developing their own unique personalities already. Shawn eats and sleeps the most and we are beginning to think he may be the "lazy one". He grunts as he eats, which we think is the equivalent to smacking lips when one chews. As annoying as we find it at restaurants, he is our kid, and at this point, its adorable. (plus, we know he is actually getting milk when he is breastfeeding) poor shawn (and kristi) has his dad's head, mishapen, narrow and GIANT. he has his dad's stubby legs and his mama's butt-chin. despite the hereditary misfortunes, he is adorable.


Ethan, on the other hand, is our quiet mama's boy. he always wants to be held and he always stares at things, even though we dont think their vision has developed yet. He has his mom's long legs and perfectly shaped head. The jury is out on the length of the second toe, but this boy looks like he might eat and grab utensils with his toes. All digits and appendages (yes, all!) are long. circumcision may lop off a centimeter or two, but dad is very proud. ethan has a "perma-scowl" with his brow constantly wrinkled - not the most flattering of looks, but he is much more engaged in his surroundings than shawn. poor shawn is focused on three things: eating, sleeping and ....

Things are going well, the boys seem to be happy and very healthy. They sleep in a bassinet next to the bed at this point, soon they will transition to the nursery - a lovely space furnished by all our loving family and friends. thank you all so much!









As for us? We are doing splendid. We get those overwhelming feelings of joy now and then as it sinks in that these boys are ours! We don't need to take them back after a couple days, the concept of FOREVER never sounded so nice. We get a few hours of sleep here and there. Andy is transitioning (slowly) into a light(er) sleeper. When it is his turn to wake up and feed the boys, he still walks into the closet (looking for God knows what) or pats around on the bed in the dark looking for the baby. Kristi might feel a bit more confident that progress will be made if he didn't jump at the slightest wimper from the dog, but a wail from his offspring seems to not affect his slumber yet. we are working on it...